Prom was a very fun experience for me. I thought that It was better than our Homecoming and Winter Follies dances. I danced a lot with my friends and I felt pretty all dressed up. Going to dinner with a group of friends was great, we had the time to actually converse (don’t see them often in school). I defiantly made the right choice in going.
I wish my dad could see what it’s like to be me because he sure does not help make it easy. I hardly ever hear him not yell (whether it’s at the kids or in general or me). I don’t remember the last time he didn’t have a beer. I wish he would understand that if he isn’t careful I will leave and he won’t be seeing much of me. I love him but dad can be too much for me sometimes. We just can’t see eye to eye sometimes. I pray that he changes for the better. He can really bring out the worst in me and I hate that.
I have had these thoughts in my head for a while now. They are taking over how I think. I can’t stand these thoughts in my head anymore, they are all the same. I want them to stop. I don’t want to hurt myself. I don’t want my mind to finally give in. This is the third day in a row that it has been pulling me down. I feel so alone. Like nobody honestly cares or wants to be here with me. Simple words flow through my head injuring my self-esteem. Fat. Ugly. Dumb. You will never have anyone. These are constant thoughts that flow through my head over and over again. Why do I have to be this way? I hate who I am but I like who I am. I hate my physical form.
Sometimes I just feel like I am never going to get anywhere in my life. There is always stress in my life and I lately I have been feeling like I have become less intelligent. I am not getting the grades I once got and I am working just as hard for them as I did when I get my better grades. I don’t see my life getting out of this root anytime soon. I waiting for the day when life won’t feel like I have to make an effort to keep myself moving forward. Right now I just feel like it would be easier to be done with everything, but that’s not me and that’s not how I want to end anything. I have faith. It’s just really hard to see the good in the bad and rough patches sometimes. I hope that for my well being and anyone else who is feeling like this find a spark of good in the end and that all this stress and bad feeling will have a ending that is worth this torture. (I may not have as bad but I still feel weighed down). May life take us on a journey and bring us to a happy ending.
Lying in her bed Lindy thinks of a place where she feels free, a place that is stress free. When she opens her eyes she will just see her arm, imagining herself slitting the skin open as the deep crimson blood flows over it. When was the last time she felt happy? She couldn’t even remember the last time she smiled. Everyday felt like she had a 1000 pound weight on her back. Why did life seem so helpless to her? She needs somebody to save her; she needs a hero.
Lindy was a believer in God but, she had her doubts when life became a battle for her life. She wanted someone who could physically and emotionally be there for her every day, every time she thinks about picking up a knife or a blade. It didn’t help that Lindy wasn’t very social or that her parents had split up a few years ago. Less and less Lindy felt alive. She was starting to become isolated.
“Everyone needs to be loved
Everyone needs their own teenage fan club
Any attention can feel like a good thing
Dress to impress can be oh so tempting
You can get noticed with your body
Sexual hypnosis by being hottie
You might feel like public property
You might you might, you shouldn’t be
No girl should feel she has to trade
Her body for love or be an old maid
And yes there are guys who are willing to wait
Ask a Barlow girl on her wedding day”— ‘Barlow Girl’ By: Superchick (Verse 2)
Being sick during school is a huge problem. When it’s toward the end of your high school career and you have to stay home because you’re sick. Well the next day back to school, you just doubled your homework. GREAT! * sarcasm* It may not be so bad if it weren’t for the higher level classes that I take, but there’s the problem right there isn’t it? The teachers don’t care; sure they give you an extra day, maybe, but all that work still ways you down. Guess I better buck up because I am almost positive that college professors won’t give any extra days and missing a day while being sick will be like a death sentence.
Maybe I am exaggerating a bit, however, this is what it can feel like. It’s okay though because when I enter my career, I am going to be very grateful I stuck with doing my work and staying caught up in high school.
Having been single since i was born has been awesome. Wanna know why? Well I’ll tell you (if you don’t want to know then move on.).
Being single since i was born shows that the universe is saving the best guy for me when we are both mature and ready to have a relationship. So while others have gone through heart breaks and complicated issues with their boy/girlfriend i have been living a drama free relationship with my self. Like i said i really don’t mind being single because i don’t have to deal with the messy, heavy stuff. Someday when i do get a boyfriend i bet he will end up my husband (my first and last kiss). That’s why i don’t really feel jealous or bad in the end.
When my friends choose to ignore me, i feel unwanted and unloved by them, i don’t feel very well and it makes me feel like they don’t care about me. When they ignore me it’s like they are shutting the door in my face. It’s like i bug them or annoy them, well then why in the world would you call yourself my friend? why would you even mislead me into thinking that you could talk to me for a couple of weeks and then drop me off in the dumpster (metaphorically speaking). Don’t you even realize that you’ve hurt me? Or don’t you care?
I could tell you so many things right now but that would be wrong and i know that i will regret them later but for you to know how i feel is important, i just can’t bring myself to tell you though so instead i’m just writing here in my blog where you will never read it because you don’t even know i have one (because you haven’t gotten the chance to really know me). This is where i leave you, to ponder on what i just said that you will never read because you will never see my blog and never look for it and never care. Am right aren’t i?
Yeah it’s been what like a year since I’ve been on here? Wow! Well I just have to update you guys then. Well a week ago I was in Europe and I saw so many cool things and the everyday scenery there is so beautiful I would love waking up to that every morning, i mean it’s nothing like home here it’s better. I even on the trip got to see a ‘third world’ country, Morocco. It was just as pretty there as the other places but a lot of what o saw there was people living in the small crowded, stinky streets. But of course some were lucky enough to actually have houses on those streets. It was so cute these cute little boys passed us down a street and they were singing and having a good time together barefoot (their parents think it safe for them to walk around the streets alone. It’s true they do think that most if the little kids I saw were on their own). Well I will shed some more stories on you another day so for now that’s all.
OH! I rode a camel there!
My hometown is Houston, Texas. This is where you’ll find the record high’s impressive. You’d think that around here we are all about farming and western stories, but the truth is it’s not like that anymore everything is different. Every high school girl around here are all about fashion, except me. I live on a farm and the only hair style i wear is a ponytail, and all i wear are blue jeans and tank tops. Welcome to my life.
"Hey Smalls." Katy texted me. Katy’s my best friend ans she’s totally into fashion, so you can imagine her trying to get me to wear something other than.
"You coming over soon?" I texted back, i was just coming in from feeding the animals. She was coming over to fix me up with a stupid blind date, I don’t know why i agreed to this. Anyway she’s coming along with her date, she basically set this up so she wouldn’t have to go out with Jeff by herself. Jeff’s a wide receiver for our football team and he’s a senior this year, Katy has had her eye on him a while now…
***Let me know what you think and what I need to fix/add etc. This is just all i have right now so of course it’s going to be raw.
So it’s been a while, and now that year is almost over, so sad but exciting as well. It means new opportunities and new goals to live for. Yeah we usually all fall off the band wagon after the first couple of days after we make our new years resolution but instead of calling it a resolution why don’t we call it a 1 year goal? That way we have a WHOLE year to reach it. even if we wait till that last month (December). And if we don’t reach it then, well then i guess we have failed and we will have to find something that inspires us the next time.
Yeah i know Christmas hasn’t come yet but it gets you thinking about what you really want to strive for next year, 2012, the year that we will survive even if people think otherwise.
It’s been, but I can’t say there’s really anything exciting you have missed just another ordinary day… That’s kinda how it is for me sadly, no one to hang with and not car to go anywhere. Just sittin around trying to come up with something to do. That’s my life for ya. Let me know if you’re life is better cause I would like to hear about what I’m missing out on.
well school’s started and of course the freshman this year well there really annoying. I do feel a little more comfortable with my class but everything is still the same, same old clicks, same old food, same old pressure and same old people. My class has like the biggest jock click and they are either stuck up or rude i don’t think they bother to talk to anyone else whose not in there click unless they have to. It makes me sad to see that they can’t try to make new friends out of there so called jockies. i know its hard for me to make friends but last year i got courage and made an amazing person whose in college now but we still see each other. Why class do we have to have clicks? sure they may have some of the same interest but there are other people out there that think things of others because you don’t give them the chance to see who you really are. I hate how people put an act on just to be with the people they are with, they’re not themselves and that’s real sad. well i sure wish i could have a huge group of real friends… but for now i just have a few better than no friends which some people in our school im sure don’t have cause no one really gives them the time of day.
i don’t get it, why do guys have to be so stupid? Liking guys is so hard (JACK!) i hate him for being so cute! To bad i’ll never get to talk to him… He adds one of my friends he DOESN’T even know her! and i ask him to be my friend on facebook ( i went to camp with him but never got to talk to him because apparently i don’t know how to talk to guys?) but he just ignores me and doesn’t add me! STUpid guys…
The way i see it my life kinda stinks (ok maybe half) but i’ve feel like i’ve got nothin compared to everyone i love. YEs im comparing myself cause i feel like all my l life ive been compared and judged. Why do the greatest things take so much time? Waiting id forever…
Well yesterday was my first cheer practice, it was a little interesting… This is all new to my so i have to get a feel for if i want to keep cheering. we only have 2 more practices until out first game! i don’t know how im gonna do in front of a crowd. i terrified! AAAHHH! well here’s to hoping i wont make a fool of myself.
Never been out with a guy, never had my “first kiss”, never had a job, never had a life…
There’s days when i feel so alone inside, even though i have these great friends i feel so far away from them because all of my GOOD friends live miles away. But that’s not the only reason i feel so lonely, I feel like everyone around has had a boyfriend or have been asked out before or even been flirted with! Me, well let’s just say I might wish i could say that i had that. What do guys see in me prolly a big ugly fat girl, but only my friends and family can’t see that… am i ever gonna see the day when i get my first boyfriend? Only the LORD knows. I trust him to take care of me and he hasn’t let me down yet, even though i have been made at him before he’d never let anything bad happen to me.
Back to guys… I’ve had WAY too many crushes and never any boyfriends, what does that tell ya? Yea, apparently i’m not good enough for them but whatever! That’s life and I guess i’ve got to live it the way GOD wants it to be.
I really like this guy and he doesn’t even know i exist! Maybe he does but he doesn’t know me. He went to my camp and this year i saw him and instantly i liked him. Why is it so hard for the guys i like to talk to me? It’s hard for me to talk to them because i am way too shy. I waste away over guys who apparently are not meant for me.
I’ve only got one word to say and that word is Broken. I’m broken and i can’t put myself together. There has to be another way to fix me! Some one help me patch my soul! I’ve only got one life and already it’s broken.