Write Out Loud

Prom was a very fun experience for me. I thought that It was better than our Homecoming and Winter Follies dances. I danced a lot with my friends and I felt pretty all dressed up. Going to dinner with a group of friends was great, we had the time to actually converse (don’t see them often in school). I defiantly made the right choice in going. 

I wish my dad could see what it’s like to be me because he sure does not help make it easy. I hardly ever hear him not yell (whether it’s at the kids or in general or me). I don’t remember the last time he didn’t have a beer. I wish he would understand that if he isn’t careful I will leave and he won’t be seeing much of me. I love him but dad can be too much for me sometimes. We just can’t see eye to eye sometimes. I pray that he changes for the better. He can really bring out the worst in me and I hate that. 

I have had these thoughts in my head for a while now. They are taking over  how I think. I can’t stand these thoughts in my head anymore, they are all the same. I want them to stop. I don’t want to hurt myself. I don’t want my mind to finally give in. This is the third day in a row that it has been pulling me down. I feel so alone. Like nobody honestly cares or wants to be here with me. Simple words flow through my head injuring my self-esteem. Fat. Ugly. Dumb. You will never have anyone. These are constant thoughts that flow through my head over and over again. Why do I have to be this way? I hate who I am but I like who I am. I hate my physical form.